Guest Post: Relationships and Dating, Are You Doing It Wrong? by Jennifer O’Neill

Please help me welcome best selling author and spiritual teacher Jennifer O’Neill to Inspiring Young Moms! I came across her website Hawaii Healings through my co-worker. We were having a conversation about having passion for our work and trying to figure out what we are meant to do with our skills and strengths.

Jennifer is dedicated to helping other people live their best life through her books, workshops and readings. She has written several books to include: Soul DNA, Inspirational Quotes, Keys To The Spirit World, The Pursuit of Happiness, and more. Jennifer will be sharing with us today some important tips about relationships and dating from her latest book called The Book of Love: Relationships and Dating.

Jennifer O'Neill

Written By Jennifer O’Neill (Originally Posted at Inspirational Examiner)

Relationships And Dating, Are You Doing It Wrong?

Do you want a girlfriend or boyfriend and wonder why it’s just not happening? Well, I have written an entire book to help you. It’s gotten incredible feedback, so I thought I would share an excerpt with you. Enjoy!

Excerpt from “The Book of Love: Relationships and Dating”

Chapter Two:
Want A Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Many people “think” they fall into this category. They want a companion and someone to go to the movies with or eat dinner with. They want a friend and a confidant…blah, blah, blah! If you want a girlfriend or a boyfriend and you have no hang-ups or baggage of your own, you probably have one right now. They will naturally flow into your life and stay there until you piss them off, kick them out, or you mutually decide to bite the bullet and get married.

If you want a girlfriend or boyfriend, but you have trouble finding one, you need to revisit chapter one and get that one mastered first. Because you have one or more of the following things going on:

1) You’re too needy or you’re giving off a desperate vibe.

Let’s be clear, no one does this on purpose! It’s not something you set out to do or aspire to be. It can happen to anyone during different times of his or her life, especially when they’re feeling down about something, such as losing a job, and it’s perfectly normal to feel this way, on occasion.

However, if you feel “sad and alone” on a consistent basis because you don’t have a significant other in your life, it’s a big problem. You may not even know it, but people send out energy vibes, and other people read them quite well. Nothing spells out needy more than “I feel sad and alone”.

It’s too much pressure!

You’ll never send people running the other direction so fast. No one wants to enter into a relationship with someone giving off that kind of energetic vibe. Are you kidding? Especially a new one, when the energy is supposed to be of newness and excitement.

I’m sorry if you’re feeling sad or alone, but there are ways to fix that. First, if you’re feeling sad and you think it’s because you’re single, your focus is in the wrong area. You’re in no condition to be in a relationship, because a significant other will become the scapegoat for your sadness, intentional or not (usually it’s not). Sad needs to be fixed first. If you think it’s because you are alone, well, you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you. Get a good therapist if you have to, but fix sad first.

Your life has a purpose…

Everyone has been put on this earth for a reason. You have a gift or talent no one else in the world has. Spend some time figuring out what it is!

*Tip: Your gift or talent usually lies in the area of whatever it is you’re most passionate about.

When you follow your passion, it can turn your whole life around! You’re not sad if your life is going the way you want it to. You’re not sad if you surround yourself with positive people. You’re not sad when you’re fulfilling your life’s dream or purpose. See what I mean?

If you feel alone, find more friends, join a club, go out and meet people! If you can’t do any of those things, how do you expect to find a girlfriend or boyfriend? Baby steps my friend.

2) You lack confidence in yourself or your appearance.

People with low self-esteem don’t give off a “come hither” vibe. Nor do people who don’t take pride in their appearance. This one is always a shocker for me, because what’s one of the first things people do upon a break up of a relationship or marriage?

Lose weight, get their hair done, and dress better!

They take pride in their appearance again because they want to be the best they can be, and they want to put their best foot forward. Mostly to make the other person eat their heart out, but who cares? Whatever works to gain your confidence back.

Confidence is sexy.

You’re a catch, but no one can tell under sweatpants. When you begin to polish yourself up again, it helps to jumpstart the process of finding your confidence again. It’s not lost and it hasn’t disappeared; you’ve just misplaced it, so go looking for it. If you look for it, you’ll find it. Get in touch with yourself again. Remember who you used to be before you became so-and-so’s significant other. Remember who you used to be when you felt good about yourself. You don’t need to be a model, just be proud of who you are!

3) You are too picky or superficial.

If you wish to have a carbon copy of Johnny Depp or Angelina Jolie, well…there’s only one of them, and besides that, they’re taken. Be adventurous and step out of your comfort zone.
*Tip – Don’t stereotype, because your “type” might not be working for you. (This is the case with most people, yet it seems to come as a complete surprise for some reason.)

It’s okay to have short list of good qualities you wish to have in a girlfriend or boyfriend, but don’t carve the list in stone. Be flexible.

Don’t be a glutton for punishment.

Don’t go after bad boys or hot young girls and wonder why they’re always screwing you over. It’s in their nature. Don’t blame them for being who they are. That’s like blaming ice cream for making you fat!

Be aware of your choices and make better ones.

4) You are dating in the wrong chapter.

Here’s the thing. Most people are actually upfront about where they stand as far as relationships go. If they are looking for one, they will tell you. If they are not looking for one, they will also tell you.

*Tip: Don’t presume to know someone better than they know themselves.

Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t want what you want; it’s a waste of time. Women talk in circles, and men say what they mean. This confuses both sexes equally. So let’s just get down to basics.

It’s not what they say; it’s what they do.

If a woman is into you, she will let you know. If a man is into you, he will let you know. Through his or her actions! Stop listening to what they say and assume they mean something else.

Pay attention to their actions!

Actions are pretty universal when it comes to men and women. The saying “actions speak louder than words” really applies here. If what you want in a relationship and your partner’s actions are not in sync, then you’re most likely dating in the wrong chapter.

5) You are a social recluse and never leave the house.

This seems pretty self explanatory, but I can’t tell you how many times people have complained to me about wanting a significant other, but in the next breath, confess to me they never go anywhere.

Isn’t this a no brainer, or is it just me?

The hot delivery person who comes to your house and finds you sunbathing–you know the scenario–the one that turns into hot, steamy sex at the end? I hate to break it to you, but I know a lot of hot people, and not one of them has ever had this happen. Even the ones with a pool! So the chances of finding that loved one while sitting on your couch, at your computer, or on Facebook…not good! Get out, socialize, have fun, plan a vacation, do something that gets you to leave the house.

*Tip: That’s where the people are.

Go check out her blog here and if you are interested in learning more about how you too can succeed at relationships and dating, check out her new book here.

*Photo Credit: Jennifer O’Neill

*Disclosure: This was a guest post by Jennifer O’Neill originally posted on her blog at Inspirational Examiner. I was given permission to repost it here on Inspiring Young Moms. All ideas and opinions within the post belong to Jennifer O’Neill. I was not compensated in any way for this post.


  1. Awesome post! I remember hearing a friend saying while she was leading a seminar on relationships a while back “Don’t ever look for someone to make you happy! Work on being happy FIRST and the perfect person will come.” Very wise words on everything she said. Great post ;)

    • Hi Veronica! Thanks for visiting my blog. I couldn’t agree more with your statements. I feel like you attract people into your life based on the vibes you put out to the universe. If you are attracting the wrong guys, maybe it’s time to look within. I think that sometimes we tend to get desperate and not want to be alone so we settle for Mr. Right Now instead of waiting for the right one.